working with the school team

meeting with school staff can be tense and I know over the years that we have had IEPs , METs, staffings and “team” meetings, that I’m often on one team and the school staff are often on the other. I understand that many characteristics of autism make it difficult for parents and staff to see eye to eye- melt downs and agitation usually make everyone tense, accusatory, defensive and frustrated.

right now, we’re in a great team and our meetings are collaborative and productive. for example:

me- belle comes home and complains about Henry (her aide one hour), she says he gets mad at her

staff  – the problem is that what belle tells you at home is not what happens at school (I’ve heard that one before)

me- well, it must mean something

staff- words are behavior- is she being reinforced for complaining to you, is she getting attention?

me- hmmm, i listen, try not to react, don’t take sides, listen and use the information to help her problem solve. I try to get her to come up with ways to improve all of her relationships. Should i be ignoring her?

staff-that shouldn’t be necessary, but you can’t believe everything she says

me-maybe we could just discuss why she might possibly be saying what she says about certain staff? Words are behavior and they can also be communication.

staff- she does seem to reflect her own feelings on the staff- if she’s tired she says they are, if she’s frustrated she says they are.

me- that’s an interesting concept and helps me understand a little

staff-her complaints could also mean that the staff member is firm and consistent with her, insist that she do her work that hour before free time. Her and that particular aide actually have a lot of fun together and she is nice to him. He was able to give her a special treat today too- an invitation to see a special turtle presentation.

me- ok, so we agree that saying that she is exaggerating or trying to to attention from or manipulate me doesn’t help. She has a complaint and it might not be all facts, but it could give us some information to help us all problem solve, gain insights and teach her coping mechanisms- right?

staff- yes

me- ok, that helps a lot. thanks!!!