what does anxious mean?

We had a great conversation today…..

We were watching a dog trainer on tv and she commented that the dog she was training was very anxious which was contributing to his aggressive behavior

belle- what is anxious?

me-it’s another way of saying that he has anxiety about what’s going on around him- kinda a combo. of excitement and fear

belle-oh, so then he misbehaves?

me-yes, because he doesn’t know why people are teasing him, who is going to take care of him, and what the rules are. Do you ever feel like that?

belle-yeah

me- like at school? especially going to a new school- that can make you feel anxious right?

belle- yeah

me- so the new teachers will have lots of lists and rules so you know what will happen when and what to expect so that you won’t be so anxious.

belle-oh

translations-when she says ____, she means _____.

My daughter’s expressive language is quite delayed although, with her extensive vocabulary around her special interests (parasites, black holes, mononoke, and shiba inus), most people assume that what she needs to communicate will come out clearly. the tricky word here is assume. Not a good practice when it comes to dealing with a person with AS.

example -

when she says i’m tired, she could mean…..

• this language is too confusing for me to process
• this is very scary for me
• there are too many new things going on here
• this person i’m dealing with is too nervous and reactive
• i woke up very early
• i didn’t sleep well
• i’m hungry
• my adreneline shot up and has now plummeted
• my blood sugar is low
• i’m feeling excluded and inadequate
• the sensory input is too loud, too bright, too cold, too much of everything
• this is too hard for me, why don’t they understand me, why don’t they listen to me
• i miss my home, my dog, animals
• i’m bored (which has a whole other set of meanings behind it)

that’s a lot considering all she said was, “i’m tired”.  Poor expressive language skills can make a child feel like they’re in prison and make the person working with that child very confused and frustrated.

what a great day!

I can’t deny that this was an amazing day and since i’m in the process of setting up a new behavior plan it will be a great day to start so I can give lots of points right off the bat. what went well?

• get up and get dressed-ok
• dirty clothes in the basket-ok
• play with the bunny (a daily responsibility)-ok
• turn off wii to do some work with mom-ok
• let’s discuss appropriate subjects to talk about with people we don’t know-ok
  
• let’s start a money chart-ok
• let’s discuss florida some more since you say you don’t want to go-ok
• cooperated for the tutor- read and dictated, was happy and friendly
• transitioned right back to me when i got home
• went to art
• went to music- participated perfectly in both
• went to the barn and gave her horse a work out with perfect social behavior. sharing her tools and saying hi first and responding when others did first
• talked about why kids don’t like horror films and then let it go (whew)
• got herself a nutritious choice for dinner
• agreed on how to use her last hours before bed

I couldn’t ask for a better way to start a behavior plan!

this week’s academic goals

We’re working on a few interesting things this week…..

• theories of evolution- darwin versus the bible and  a few african myths
• global warming- co2 and alternative energy
• the food chain and comparing two different prey animals (the bunny and the horse) -she liked the food chain ok until we went below the invertebraes- no interest in the sun or plants
• what is a witness
• what does caution mean
• government and what our taxes pay for
• DNA
• that egypt is in africa (she already learned about the mummies and king tut)
• calories and energy (from food and caffeine and ?)
• how to be a good loser (this will be a long term goal)

plans for next week-

the black hole

I have a case of the if only’s

I don’t get these very often considering how difficult it is to make decisions regarding what’s best for my daughter or even to know how to plan out a day, but right now i have some regrets about things and it’s weighing on me. She loves Halloween, dressing up and dressing her dog (and horse) up, but she does very poorly with contests. At 12 she has had many experiences with contests and knows that you can’t always win, but has won enough times to think that the odds are in her favor and the judges will think the same way she does (that she’s the best). there have probably been times (in school) that have worked to our disadvantage because people have fixed the results of a contest because they know she likes to win and love to see her happy (and hate to see her angry!)  So, to make a long story short, we went to a doggy costume contest and she didn’t win. to her credit, she didn’t make a scene, or get violent- she even waited until we got to the car to express her disappoointment, but the sadness she expressed made me realize that she has a long way to go to understand contests, judges, winning, losing, subjective opinions and the joy of just participating.

on top of that-she chose to be a anime character for halloween and then she was upset that nobody knew who she was. It’s her favorite holiday and it’s riddled with disappointment and frustration- i guess that’s life, but it’s tough when you have no social life and no friends and look forward to a few events that don’t work out as your expect them to.

so what are my “if only’s”?

• if only i had refused to go to the pet costume contest
• if only i had desensitized her to losing a long time ago
• if only i hadn’t let her be a mysterious character for halloween
• if only she didn’t have asperger’s syndrome (ok i said it, but i only feel like that on my “if only” days)

math is a 4 letter word

I tried a math tutor for Belle today at a place she takes music and art classes. I thought it was a comfortable, familiar environment for her. I talked to someone who had used the tutor and liked her and we met the woman last week and Belle felt comfortable with her. We talked about that she would work with her on math and that she has fun with her students. the woman asked belle to bring some of her favorite books and she brought some waterhorse- sea monster books. she expressed some concern that the woman would make her read, but went in the room alone with her. within 5 minutes belle came out and said “she’s being mean, she’s being defensive” “i’m going to head butt you” and she started to growl and lean her head down . The woman said “NO you won’t do that, you will not be abusive” and then just said “as soon as i said Math she got upset” .

the woman tried to ask me more about maribel and her behavior and school etc, but i can’t complicate my life by adding some other variable to the mix and i wouldn’t talk in front of belle so we left. We are just going to have to work on these behaviors in the new school. We didn’t do any of the fun stops we planned and Belle was still a little upset as we were leaving, then i praised her for being scared and upset, but not hurting anyone and she completely calmed down then and expressed that she’s glad she has new teachers. I told her that they are going to say the word math and talk to her about math too.

my favorite books

at the moment I’m relying on:

-the myth of laziness by mel levine

-asperger’s syndrome- by tony atwood

-the explosive child-by ross greene

-your ten-to-fourteen year old-by louise bates ames

-asperger syndrome and adolescence- by teresa bolick

-practical ideas that really work for students with asperger syndrome- by kathleen mcConnell

-just give him the whale- by paula kluth

-can i tell you about asperger syndrome?- by jude welton

-life is short -wear your party pants- by loretta laroche

-

an out of sinc day

this is how it went-

-i woke up at 5:30 and couldn’t go back to sleep and then by 6:30 i realized that my daughter was up watching TV in the basement. “I want to get up early now to watch my show” (she usually sleeps until 8 )

-then at 7 she went back to sleep until 10

-she got up and ate breakfast and refused any of my offers to go out to petco

-she worked hard for over an hour with her tutor on writing a script for her play

-she worked for 5 minutes with her new math tutor-refused to do anything else and accused the woman of being mean and defensive

-she was extremely polite to the two teachers who visited today and showed them her pets and her favorite websites and shows

-she took the dog for a walk

-she ate lettuce wraps for dinner

-she rode her horse for a full hour and was very social with the other girls at the barn

-she played with her bunny

-then she went to bed at 8pm (an hour early) so that she can get up at 6:30 again tomorrow- strange, but interesting change in schedule

kind of a yo yo day

home schooling

i never really wanted to home school and this break from school was only supposed to be for a few days so i didn’t really prepare for my daughter to be home for a month and now i find myself with a bored 7th grader who is craving interaction with anyone besides her mother and whose anxiety over the unknown is rising.

what can i do:

• get a schedule in place and inform her of what is going to happen when
• set up some social events- not easy when her friends are busy with school and after school activities until 5pm (grandma?)
• take her to see one of her brothers- they are always a Godsend
• teach her something new
• get her out of the house as much as possible
• get myself some time away so i have the patience for these long days and so I don’t get resentful (just one yoga class a week is all i ask for)
• ask for help
• get help
• schedule up as much as i can with tutors and lessons and therapies and doctors etc
• think positive- it will all be behind us soon
• help her with calming techniques and coping mechanisms to get her through her own anxiety and frustration about being a child without a school
• get some laughs in-funniest home videos?
• teach her some skill to increase independence in her new environment
• meditate

the sad thing is that there are so many kids with autism who don’t fit into a program or a school and who have to be home with their parents way too much. It can’t be good for the child or the family- it’s like a codependency that inhibits everyone’s growth. that’s just the way I’m feeling about it right now, in my family, with my child. We need to move on.

the curious incident of the snake in the school

Well, the snake is missing!!! the teacher arrived in the school today to find the cage empty!

Belle is not in school right now because we’re transitioning her to an autism program so when the teacher emailed me this morning and let me know that the snake disappeared I told her in hopes that she would stop asking if she could take it to the new school and we could move on. Instead, she got quite agitated worrying about “kenny’s” welfare. She insisted that she go to the school and help look for him. I told her we would have to wait until after school, but 30 minutes later when i left her with my sister while i went to the dentist she walked up to the school (with my sister keeping pace with her and trying to talk her out of it) and went to the office insisting that she had to help find “Kenny”. I actually thought that the teeth scraping i had just gotten through would have been the low point of my day, but when i got back in my car to see 3 texts and 4 missed calls i realized i was wrong. I consoled my sister and told her i would be right there. fortunately my sister started laughing so hard from the crazy situation she found herself in that she started to cry and Belle got concerned about her aunt and agreed to come home. So when i arrived at the school i was greeted by a very cooperative, calm child who agreed that Kenny was probably out hunting mice and having a good old time. She slipped back a few times today into worry for the snake (very much like the boy in the “incident of the dog” book) thinking that he must have been stolen and that she was responsible for solving the crime, but then we moved on to the new concerns.

She actually thought that she would have to put on her detective’s hat and solve this “crime”